Living in this college town its only normal to get discouraged once in a while.
not because you don't do as well on a test as you hoped.
and not because you don't get along with roommates.
and not even because your jeans are fitting a little tighter then you remembered..
none of these. (although these do cause slight discouragement)
This school causes discouragement because i am 19 (going on 20) and i am not engaged. or married.
In any other part of the world other then this bubble of Rexburg and surrounding areas of Utah 19 would be an absurd age to get married. But here, I am 19 and i'm feeling old. I'm starting to worry that I've missed my chance and that i'm doomed to the fate of being an old maid.
I live with Amazing girls. I have wonderful friends. Nothing is wrong with them. they will make wonderful wives and mothers someday, but this campus has instilled in their minds (mine included..i'll admit it) that there is something wrong with is. Something that makes us un-date-able. we walk around thinking we are unfulfilled unless there is a man next to us or a rock on our finger.
Today in class my teacher shared this quote by David o. McKay
"When you meet a woman (man) in whose presence you feel a desire to do your best, to live a life at your highest and best self, such a woman (man) is worth your love"
BAM light bulb moment right there. I think that in every single one of my past relationships/mishaps I have lowered myself. not being my best self because those guys didn't desire to be the best (they had good desires yes but not focused) thats why it didn't work out. Neither of us inspired the other to be the best, we were happy with who we were at that point because frankly it seemed good enough for the other person.
enough of that. enough enough.
We are good enough. there is nothing wrong with us. and my man is probably in Africa...or New Zealand.. or maybe even Detroit. when i meet him I want to be worthy of his love.
and that is whats going on inside my brain today.